Lean in to the Discomfort

Nov 22, 2016 by

When you walk in to a room full of people, choose someone who seems the most different from you (on the surface) or the person that seems the “scariest” to start a conversation with. Start there. Lean in to the Discomfort of having that awkward first conversation. In all likelihood, you DO have something in common with the person – seek to find it. If you always start with the conversation that you perceive to be the most difficult one to have, you will, over time, reduce your own fear of talking to strangers.

Diagram showing 10% of the iceberg above the surface

90% of an iceberg is unseen beneath the surface of the water

About 90% of an iceberg is unseen beneath the surface of the water and likewise, the majority of who we are as a person is beneath what you can see or hear on the surface. Consider all the characteristics of a person that you can’t “see”:

  • what sports do they like
  • what do they do for a living
  • what is their family like
  • what do they do for fun
  • where do they live
  • what do they do when they hang out with friends
  • what are their favorite foods

Whether at a conference or having Thanksgiving Dinner with far-flung relatives, there is so much to learn from the people that surround us. But we have to actually engage them in conversations and interact. If we want our students to interact more to learn, we need to get better at modeling this willingness to have conversations with strangers or those who differ from us.

When I walk into a room and feel the first uncomfortable feelings of having to mingle or that I will be alone in a room full of people, I remember the phrase “Lean in to the Discomfort,” take a deep breath, and begin the first conversation.

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